A Deep Sadness

After a long day flights from Perth -> KL --> Kuching --> Sibu, We were so tired. Due to public holiday and school holidays, there is not any direct flight from KL to Sibu. Therefore, we need to transit at Kuching to Sibu. Guess what?! air ticket damn expensive as well. Sigh... but we don't have options...

By 10 pm, we reached Sibu Hospital. I couldn't blieve that how lousy the facilities of the hospital, how scary of the lifts there, how young of doctors.. .. Sigh.... She was so awake and look at us. She looked happy while saw us back. Tears shed in my heart, she looks so slim and much older.... She almost cried while she heard about my elder brother not feeling well. He wasn't feeling well with stomach and vomitted few times at the night before flight. He also almost 'kena' stopped at arrival of LCCT due to H1N1 virus checking. We were safe at home eventually. God is so great as he is doing his grace.

Almost 1am, i went to sleep after a night without sleep. By 2 plus, mum woke me up as she heard dad went out. We were thought he out to hospital. By 5 plus, mum up and wondered if i follow her to hospital with sis in law and my eldest brother. BUT, we reached there and shocked as dad and my eldest brother were not at hospital. YES!!! My elder brother admitted to private specialist. Fortunately, there is not another case. He is doing all right now.

All my relatives, aunties, uncles and even my family rush in and out hospital everyday. Some of them look tired, some of them seems worrying, some of them quiet .. But, my grandma still suffering with her sickness. She is falling weaker and weaker. My mum also not feeling well as she need to rush in and out with food delivering, look after grandma as well.

Until last afternoon, she really was suffering with pains, she angered, frustrated. She took away her oxygen mask. I tried to put it back, and she push away my hand and my uncle's hand too. I can't do anything while i saw her in pains and suffering. Finally, i cried and i went out of the room with full of tears. We don't want she see us cry for her as she will cry too. This is my first time and i saw my grandpa with tears while i outside of room. He told me that how suffer of my grand-grandparent last time and so......

We are expected worsen situation as she might not live longer. All of the relatives were arrived from other towns, other contries by last night. None of us attached with smile. We are getting ready what shall be to prepare for. Dad is the one who busiest with all the preparations. Before we left hospital at the night, and i went into room to see her. My feeling told me so that she might not longer the night. I was so anxiety, so unpeaceful for whole night. I couldn't sleep with tears.

I forced myself to do some reading as i not yet read anything for my coming exam. By 3 plus, my eldest brother called my dad up. He said :"grandma said that she wanna leave now." I ran out and stood there while dad answered the call. After that, mum, sis in law, dad and me rush to hospital. We called up all the aunties and uncles.

This is my really first time to see all my aunties and uncles, even my parent with tears. I almost lost my way and wonder what to do so. She almost gone!! All the memories of us, recall me back to the past.

Thanks god, she is all right now. Anyhow, i am hoping that she will leaving without pains. Please, Jesus please, take her back to you with joy. I rather to see her without pains.

There is another incident, my younger cousin sister faint as we all stood there and waiting quietly at the room. Sighh........ My aunty said that she always don't eat rice, fruits, vegetables, and even meats.... Haizzz.... Such a young girl but having a weak body, what for?!?!

Everyone is full of tired now. Some of us take term and resting now in order to look after her. There is another day to fight with and we need energy. Also, some mixture feeling appearing to me, and i don't know what shall i be as i leaving sibu by tomorrow noon. Sigh..... i blieve so, my brothers also don't want to leave and stay longer. Is this called 'LIFE?"

Such a bad times .... Strenght...!!! Faith!!!!!....

Keep Praying

Just finished packed everything. I don't like the feeling as keep to wonder what else left over and also important. Girls really too many thingy, troublesome huh?! YES!! i agree so. But, most importantly i bring myself and my book back.

I feeling tired now and i still need to type some notes for me easier to read. Just in case as i might not time to go through all the chapters.

I hope i won't get sick, and also running nose & watering eyes as usual as i got in Sibu always. Unfortunately, my nose is itching; just pray, not to be worsen.

Little worry and i hope that i will able to control my emotions while i see my grandma. Keep prayers around you, grandma. Keep away pains from you too~!!!

Early year to now, i not yet get anything or any news that i really excited with. I couldn't ask more why this or that happen. I have to keep my strength, faiths to go through all these as i know Jesus is around me. He is not leaving me alone.

Dear God,
I hand myself to you, and keep all others to you as well. Please look after them and keep them strong. I pray for them, i pray for their health, i pray for their way, i pray for my grandma to accept Christ and so we will meet at your lovely home someday. Pray in Jesus name, Amen.

Praying for Dear Grandma

4:40pm, received a sms from daddy. It is a sad news, doctor just announced that my grandmother might not longer of her life and get ready for her. I shocked and lost for second.

I don't know what should we do - my brothers and me. Should we take leave and home? Should we expect the worse?

I gave a call to dad, voice of his - sad, tired, sniff. I wordless as i don't know how to comfort him because i am lose too.

Since we all are here, i called up my cousin brother. I told him that he is the oldest grandson at back home now against others. Go and visit her for three of us as we don't know how far she can go anymore, and we are not able to do anything as far away.

What i heard is that she is weak, she is suffering, she is living with machines. We all don't know how far she could go more and depends on herself.

I praying so hard to God, should we keep her staying or just release her? I rather to release her since she is suffering. BUT... i don't feel like to let her go... 25 years, my dear grandma...

Tears shed, non stop... Dear God, please give strength to all of us and keep her in warm with fearless. Keep angels and look after her. Pray in Jesus name with full of my love, Amen.

Happy Birthday

看着一分一秒的过，12点钟。 假装不在乎，继续玩网上游戏，但，心里总在想另一方在想什么呢？是否也在纳闷没有来的祝福？！ 或，或许根本不在乎？或许，已有了他人的陪伴？许多的猜测。。。

不论如何，在这送上深深的祝福：“亲爱的，生日快乐”。不在身边的祝福，而是第一次，3年后的第一次，有何感想？过几个月后，我又何的感觉？

不是狠心，不是不想，而是尝试一切的陌生。也是该放手，给与时间，那所谓心中的重量和份量。是很好的时候去看看， 去想想，何谓重要，何谓的将来，何谓的答案。希望如此~~！！

谢谢曾经的生日。。。 。。。



谢谢曾经陪伴，谢谢曾经的幸福。对不起没有来的祝福，但，在心中。。。 Again, Happy Birthday~!

飘远的距离

最近生病了，没有很多人的关怀，也许是小病，也就是感冒伤风之类。“他”不曾真正的关心，但是‘他’却天天的问候，而我希望的是“他”。 幸亏的是，并没有期望太大，可能是我已习惯了吧。

不知不觉， 已是两个多月，也是他的生日将近，心情没有很大的起伏。但，就有种感觉。那，就是世界突然离我好远好远。他，也是一样。是否内心深处也是？ 不知！或许有一天答案会揭晓。。。。。。 也或许有一天，再不会有这种患得患失，害怕又期待的感觉吧~~！！

仿佛回到4年前的我， 采取“不干预政策”。 对于害怕又期待，甜蜜但又有痛苦的风险的感觉，通通不再是重点。自己的一切大过于天，迈向目标前进，过着没有涟漪的生活，无忧无虑，开开心心。

已不想拘束，想自由，想放手，想轻轻松松。。。 。。。好期待旅行， 一趟无拘的旅行。

BYE BYE & Work Hard

Sad News of life at the year

Within a year, within half year, got two sad news. They never joy with me forever and back to home of God. They're passed away. Both of them was closed friend with me at a point of my life. Recent one, i knew her since i was 12, pretty long hey.... Cried for it. I wish that she is peaceful and joyful at home of God. I know that God will look after for her and so i happy :)

It was shocked me on the day as i heard about it. I could not believe it as i just saw her since early of the year. Life is so unexpected and uncertainty. It reminds me that to be more conscious, more concern about friends around, especially family.



My dear friends, not matter where are you and i will miss you always. Love you~~!!!

~~~~~~~BYE BYE EILEEN & JOAN~~~~~~~

Last To Go

There are so many things, so many works, so many feelings come across, and i needs to handle, cope with. No enough sleep and work at late as normal practice at recently. There is the assignment period for me and so many assignment, presentations, quiz. Finally, there only left one unit to go with and the rest wait for exam. Yeapieee~!!! But, not yet able to relax as to strive for the last. Also, i did enjoyed the nights, a long weekend farewell for a friend, even thought i so tiring at the moment as i need to catch up so many things after that. So far, the tasks for this week are done - quiz & presentation. My brain are shutting down soon. Finally, i can get a long hours sleep before i go for the last thing to catch up.




16 of us at the first night for Triple B party over the weekend.


2nd Night, K @ Utopia @ 14 peoples.









3rd night, dinner & games~!

~~BYE BYE BARON~~

A Drink & those nights

a drink to keep me energy but not to kick away "sleeping bugs" away. This is one of the drink that i drank recently. Likewise, Heaps heaps heaps of energy drinks & caffeine drinks that i tried for keeping myself awake but all of them not working (for me)..... how sad !!! But i did finished my work anyway...

Mixture feelings

Many things happened in a week, sad, happy, missing, blissful, confuse, joyful, crying etc. So many questions are unclear, unknown. I prefer to take no care with all and life gonna be better... somehow i cares still.... confuse isn't?

Everyone is trying hard to find the destination of their life. Timing is the biggest issue and so do i... how i wonder ...........

复杂的。。。

两大心情事故：

不知的心，真的不了解。害怕去了解，深刻的，深入的探讨。。。 亲爱的，抓“谜”藏不好玩，结束好吗？放风筝， 我很不在行，不懂何时收，何时放。。。 一点都不好玩。。。 不是吗？若是结束一切, 很想却不舍得。。。 很佩服你的忍耐力！！！ 好佩服如何做到的？

我的好友， 我会为你而祈祷的, 千万要坚强。为了她都好，也为自己好，你会活得更好的。不要为了一个不值得的他和一个家， 而伤心难过。我很希望看到以前开朗的你。

We will be good, and i pretty sure God planned a great & brighten way for you. You will go through all these shitty, my dear. Worst come to worst, and i am here still. To all your beloved, you are the best one and the greatest one, so please don't give up. You can do it, my dear. No matter how, surely you able to encounter them.

No matter what is the decision of you, i will give you full supports without doubts. JIA YOU!!! ADD OILSss!!!

God bless You, my dear~!!